Identity Unknown

"The true story of every person you see in this world is not the story you see, the external story. The true story of each person is the journey of his or her heart.” - John Eldredge

Who you were, who you are, and who you will be are three different people.

You are not who you were ten years ago, and I would bet that in another ten years, you’ll have evolved even more. That’s the point, isn’t it? To change, to improve, to grow. But I know for many of you, finding your identity is neither easy nor painless. It hasn’t been for me.

I remember taking an Interpersonal Relations class in college, and the instructor told us one thing at the very beginning of the first class that has stuck with me for over a decade now:

You’re not who you think you are. You are who you think other people think you are.

You really aren’t who you think yourself to be, but who you think others perceive you to be. Now that we live in a society that is driven by the amount of followers you have and likes you receive, you can imagine how damaging this can be to the average human being. I’ve come to believe that the validation we seek from the outside is the true enemy of anything unique, anything authentic that is inherent to us. It is the enemy of who God created us to be.

For almost as long as I’ve been alive, I’ve been made to feel as less than by other people. When I was five, a teacher told my Mom she didn’t think I was “all there”. I was five. I was also quiet and shy. This trend continued because I obviously didn’t change who I was. I remained quiet and painfully shy. When I was thirteen and living in Germany, I had another teacher voice the same concern that I wasn’t quite with it. And despite the fact that this wasn’t the case, I believed it to be true because this was now the second time it had been expressed. I let that shape my confidence (or lack thereof) and I limited myself. I grew up believing I was unintelligent and would never amount to much. I buried the light I had inside deep, deep down.

I know there are many of you who have done the same. It’s hard when there is so much noise out there from the world, screaming at you about who it thinks you are. And because many of us still don’t know, we cling to those labels desperately. Did you know that awhile ago it was announced that the entire astrological calendar was off? Instead of twelve signs, astrologists determined that there were actually thirteen. That meant that someone who had built their entire identity around the fact that they are a Pisces was now actually an Aquarius. People lost their minds. There’s the real tragedy - not having a firm grasp on who you really are. Being an unknown. I have an acquaintance who becomes whatever new friend they are hanging out with. They take on similar mannerisms, develop the same interests, partake in the same hobbies. I don’t believe I have ever seen this person do something that is completely authentic to who they are, and I find that quite sad.

We have a God who consistently tries to remind us of who we are - His. He tells us this in his word to us when he states that we are “fearfully and wonderfully made”. And yet, we lose ourselves in the world and try to find our identity elsewhere - in our star sign, in psychology, in social media, in our professions. We remain unfulfilled because all of those things are fleeting. Just like you can’t base who you are on your sun sign, you also cannot do so with your job. These are ever changing circumstances, vulnerable always to the shifts of the tide. If you place your identity there, you will lose it eventually. Then what will you have? Faith in something stronger, something solid, becomes necessary for true fulfillment.

The sun is glorious in one way, the moon is glorious in another way, and the stars are glorious in their own [distinctive] way; for one star differs from and surpasses another in its beauty and brilliance. —1 Corinthians 15:41

From this passage it is evident that we were created to shine together beautifully, individually. As our Father intended. None of us are the same, not one. God created every single person to be unique and he loves them uniquely. But have you ever noticed that we can’t seem to allow each other to do that? Have you ever noticed that the moment you step into the light to shine, there is someone waiting nearby to try and drag you back out? It’s almost as if we’re threatened by someone being unapologetically themselves. We envy what we don’t have yet, when we can have it just as easily. This isn’t how it should be. Jesus says that everyone will know we are his disciples by the way we love one another. And guess what? I caught this same theme in a song by U2 the other day:

“One life with each other,

Sisters, Brothers,

One life, but we’re not the same

We get to carry each other, carry each other”

We have one life together, but we’re not the same. We get to carry each other.

Notice how these lyrics say we get to carry each other. Not we have to. It’s because carrying your brother or sister is a privilege. Human connection and love are a privilege. In this world darkness abounds and the only remedy to that darkness is to begin building each other up in love and helping others to find their light.

As life, love, relationships, homes, jobs and families constantly shift we can set our eyes on the One who remains the same day in and day out.

He is our yesterday, today and forever. That is where you will find yourself.

God Bless.