Waiting.
“But I am sure that God keeps no one waiting unless He sees that it is good for him to wait. When you do enter your room, you will find that the long wait has done you some kind of good which you would not have had otherwise.” C.S. Lewis
Have you been praying for something or someone for a long time? Are you at the point of desperation (God pleeeaaaase!), exacerbation (What else can I pray to make it happen?!), frustration (Lord, why won’t you move on my behalf?!!)? Yeah, me, too. So many times in my life I have been on my knees, crying out to God through tears, grit teeth, reaching hands praying again for something God could “fix” in an instant.
That word: “fix.” Often in our eyes our present circumstances, what we see at face value, is something to be fixed. What if the thing that we want to be fixed is actually the avenue God uses to achieve something greater--go deeper, greater testimony, more understanding. We want a quick fix to our current plight, but God thinks bigger. He works on the big picture and where we often get caught focusing[obsessing], He has something more grand in mind.
The crippled man at the temple gate called Beautiful begged for money. Instead he received total healing in his body. Acts 3:1-10
Joseph was enslaved and later wrongfully imprisoned for years. However, it lead him to be in a position of power over all of Egypt. Genesis 37 & 49-41
Noah was 600 years old when God told him to build the ark. He was rewarded because of his obedience and he and his family were the only humans to survive the flood. In addition, his name and deed lives on to this day. Genesis 6-7
Abraham considered himself as good as dead, yet he believed God could do the impossible. It was credited to him as righteousness and God gave him a son, through whom came the nation of Israel. Abraham’s descendants are as numerous as the stars and he is considered the father of all who believe. Romans 4:11-12, 19-22
Paul spent years in prison waiting to plead his case to Caesar and be cleared of the charges brought against him. As a result, he traveled long distances spreading the Gospel and adding to the Kingdom of God. Acts 22-28
Even Jesus was in his 30’s before performing his first miracle, being recognized as the son of God, and fulfilling his purpose on Earth. It is only through HIM that we share in the inheritance of eternal life and can have a personal relationship with God. Luke 3:23
Sometimes when God is choosing not to answer our prayers, it’s not because He’s refusing to answer. It’s because He has a different answer, a different plan that does not coincide with what we are requesting. It’s difficult to understand this when we are in the season of waiting. For me, I feel like I am just enduring until God chooses to answer my prayers and the wait is excruciating. But God is always working.
Cue a part of my personal story. As some of you know, my husband and I struggled for 7 years to get pregnant. We desperately wanted a baby. I prayed fervently to be blessed with a precious bundle of our own. Most of us have a picture of how we want our life to go, right? Married by ___. House when we are _____. Baby by _____. “X” amount of children. Making “X” amount of money by _____. You know that saying “We plan while God laughs?” While I don’t believe that God was laughing, the years passed and no baby. The age when I planned to have my first baby came and went. Each pregnancy announcement felt like a slap in the face from God. I became angry, bitter, depressed, even believing that God was cruel. I examined every area of my heart, our lives..maybe if I just fixed this or that or reached a specific point in our lives or prayed a specific prayer then maybe God would allow us to conceive. But time marched on and still no baby. I lost hope. I didn’t want to talk about babies, I didn’t want to research solutions, I didn’t want to see any more doctors or try any more supplements, medications, or procedures. And above all, I did not want to answer the question “So! When are you guys planning on having kids?” (and variations thereof) one. more. single. time. I could not understand God’s purpose. I would pray that He would just tell me what He wanted me to learn through all of this so that I could embrace the lesson because I was sure that once I did that then He would bless us with a baby. I look back at that time and shake my head realizing now how far off I was in my thinking.
God didn’t want to teach me a lesson. He wanted to transform my mind. I had a realization one day when I was talking to a friend. I was going on about my frustration, shedding some tears feeling very sorry for myself, and I heard myself say “I’ve been enduring this burden for so long and yet I still love God and truly believe He is good! When will He remember me and bless my faithfulness?!” At that moment something clicked in my head.
What is the purpose of my life; what is it all about; what is the highest calling? Loving people. Introducing them to Jesus. Encouraging people in their relationship with God. Most often it is through our story, our testimony of God’s faithfulness and glory, that we connect with people. Sure, it’s easy to share our blessings and successes, enjoyable even. Yet, it is through life’s obstacles that God’s glory shines and we connect with people on a deeper level. In that moment of conversation with my friend, God shifted my perspective and I realized that God hadn’t burdened me with infertility. It wasn’t a cruelty. God was doing a work in and through me. Through my struggle I was able to witness to people I would not have otherwise. They saw my pain, frustration, anguish, but they also saw my faith in God and His strength in my weakness. I hope that through me, God was able to encourage and comfort them in their struggles, as well. Childless, as I was at that time, I was miraculously filled with a sense of gratitude and humility that God was choose me as a conduit for His awesome work and love. All this time that I thought I was just sitting idly by waiting until God blessed us, He was at work through me.
Don’t get me wrong, it still hurt to have a mother’s heart go unfulfilled. It was still painful to see families with their little ones and wonder if and when that would be us. But to have the knowledge that God was working; that the time of “waiting” was purposeful and not wasted time made all the difference in my approach and the attitude of my heart. I’m so thankful for the connections I’ve made, for the opportunity to have a testimony that speaks well of God’s faithfulness and goodness in times of grief, desperation, and loneliness.
Now that we have our two precious little girls, I can see that God was also preparing the way for their arrival. He patiently, steadily prepared our hearts and our marriage for parenthood. He was also positioning us in life’s journey to receive our daughters. I believe that we would have parented just fine if we had children earlier in our marriage. Fortunately for us and for our future children, God obviously wanted more than “just fine.” He wanted the best for us and for our innocent girls who are at the mercy of our parenting choices. The years brought maturity, refinement, unity, grace, and while I can say with honesty that our home years ago was filled with love and a heart for God, I’m so grateful that God knew better and that He gave us the time so that our children could grow and develop in the home God has cultivated over the years.
“This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.” Habakkuk 2:3
What are you praying for? Pleading for? Desperate for? Yearning for? I encourage you to take your eyes off of the destination; it’s likely not going to look the way you are envisioning it by the time you get there anyway. It will be so much better! Ask God what His plans are for your life right now. What does He want to refine inwardly; how does he want you to step out? We are missing out on so much blessing, growth, and fulfillment if we stay in the ‘waiting room’ of life instead of allowing ourselves to be a conduit for God’s work in every season of life.