Off Schedule

“..for while bodily training is of some value, godliness is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and also for the life to come.” 1 Timothy 4:8

Anyone that knows me knows that I have a schedule and I like to stick to it. I like to think that I am flexible and can roll with the punches, and in truth I can, but it takes me a moment to process a change of plans or an unforeseen wrinkle in my carefully laid out schedule. I am not one of those moms that is totally okay throwing my kids in the car, no socks, hair a mess, and a face full of crumbs. I may do it, but it tugs at my anxiety big time. This little tug at my sanity often leaves me irritated and short with those around me.

Before I had children I was teacher and I endeavored to be the best educator within my realm of capability. Now that I am a stay-at-home mom, I look at motherhood as my “job,” the most important, highly personal job that I have ever held, and my instinct is to approach it with the same expectation of perfection. So when a change of plans throws off my schedule or my children’s attitudes embarrass me in the store or my long “to-do” list prevents me from getting to the dishes or a spill at breakfast means that we are late to an appointment or, heaven forbid, we show up with yogurt in the corner of my children’s mouth and juice stains on their shirt, then I start to unravel. I begin to question my abilities, worth and what’s worse is I lose patience for my children and neglect to give them the grace that God so generously, undeservedly gives me.

Now that I’ve painted myself as a fussy tight-wad, enter God. Oh thank the Lord I have Jesus because life would be pretty miserable without Him and I’m certain everyone around me would be miserable, as well, given my earthly desire for perfection.

Complete honesty: this perfectionist did not accept a mindset change from God easily. To change would mean that I had to be okay with not having it all together and that other people may see that I don’t have it all together and then the judgement would ensue: “Did you see her kids? Why isn't she on top things? How could she walk out of the house like that? Sink full of dishes, dog hair in the corners, does she sweep? What does she do all day? How can she allow that? She needs to manage her priorities better. She obviously doesn’t have control.”

Isn’t that what we do? Begin to compare? How do we measure up? What do people think? What do they say about me? Ugh, it’s exhausting because no one is perfect. I want to worry less about what people think and focus on pleasing God. He is where joy and peace reside.

So it comes to this: I must accept that I cannot control every situation; I cannot control other people even if I think I should be able to control my children’s every action and every event in my schedule. But I can control my response. I can demonstrate godliness and grace or I can demonstrate a frazzled, overwhelmed woman desperate for control. What kind of person do I want to be? Whatever I choose it will set the tone for my home, life, and testimony.

The simple truth is that I can’t stop my child from screaming and rolling around on the floor devastated because her hair is tucked into her shirt or her sleeves are ¼ inch too long. I can’t stop her from saying “no” and I can’t force manners out of her mouth. I can’t stop my 13 month old from fussing when she wants another bite and can’t get my attention or grabbing a fist full of her sister's hair. We’re working on these things, but it’s a process and it often doesn’t go my way. I can control the consequences. I can model grace in the face of frustration. I can be consistent in molding their behavior with my response by disciplining in love (and sound mind) instead of frustration. Sometimes that means taking a “breather” for myself and praying for grace before I dole out consequences. Sure, it takes a little [lot] self-discipline, but who’s the child here? If I expect my children to be able to suck in their bottom lip and make a better choice, then I better hold myself to the same standard and be the example of godliness.

I’m using my children as examples, but really this applies to any situation that you don’t have complete control over the outcome. Competitions, coworkers, promotions, customer service, traffic, answers from God, fulfillment of a dream or hope, the list goes on.

If you’re like me when you hear “godliness,” you automatically think of someone who is pious, always has a smile plastered on their face, button-downed, all their i’s dotted and t’s crossed, and never says a cross word. However, I believe that instead this reverence for God the Bible is referring to translates to simply considering Jesus’ response before acting - would He respond in love or anger? Frustration or communication? Feeling sorry for myself or looking for the lesson and an opportunity to grow and witness? Remembering the crap or finding the nugget of joy?

My brother-in-law, Paul, once said that these unplanned, sometimes frustrating events are what makes life colorful. He couldn’t have known how deeply that outlook would impact my life over the years. If every event is predictable, if you know that the outcome is going to be rosy, life would be pretty bland; one-note, and faith would be unnecessary. I’d rather choose to see life in all its color, ranging from every shade of dark to light because that’s what gives you the richest story in which you can look back and see God’s hand woven through it all.

My hope is that in choosing godliness in every planned event and curve-ball, the light of God will shine into the lives of those near to me or far, as well as my own. I don’t always get it right, but it’s a work in progress.

“But godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out the world.” 1 Timothy 6:6-7